Helpless
by ProcrastinationQueen
Summary: Everyone feels helpless sometimes. 200 word glimpses into the minds of the main characters.
1. Will

Helpless

A/N: I own nothing. Just borrowing.

And I haven't forgotten about my last story. I have a few pages of scenes that just don't fit together very well, and I've been too busy with school to work on it. But I will continue it as soon as I can.

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Will

Despite what he saw day to day as a police officer, Will had never known the real meaning of helplessness until he became a father. Each time he held one of his little children in his arms, he felt it. He wondered how he would ever know how to raise them, and he knew he would never get it completely right, no matter how much he wanted to or how hard he tried.

He had hoped it would get easier as they got older, but it didn't. It actually got harder, since their hurts got bigger as they did and could no longer be fixed with a band-aid and a kiss from Daddy. The helplessness rushed back at him in the big events, like Kevin's accident, and the small everyday ones, like when he wondered how to get rid of the sadness in his daughter's eyes or how to relate to his youngest son.

He supposed this would continue even once they were adults, since he knew he'd always worry about them, no matter what. He had long ago realized that helplessness was yet another of the permanent conditions of parenthood, but it was still hard for him to accept.


	2. Helen

Helen

_That night_. That's how she always referred to it. That night was the night a man came into her dorm room and shattered her sense of safety, her innocence, and part of her soul. When it happened, she couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't get away, couldn't scream for help. She was completely at his mercy – whether she lived or died had been up to him.

Little did she know that surviving that night was just the beginning. The attack was over, but she would still feel helpless - helpless against the nightmares, the panic, and the fear that washed over her when she least expected it, making it impossible to sleep and difficult to trust others. Years and distance would diminish the feeling, but could never and would never eradicate it.

Climbing the stairs and approaching her daughter's bedroom, she felt it once again. She didn't want to do this, but it wasn't just about her any more. She and Will both knew that, ultimately, nothing they could do or say could protect their girl from all the evils of this world, but perhaps if they could arm her with everything they knew, they would feel a little less helpless.


	3. Kevin

Kevin

Lying in his hospital bed, then later in his bed at home, he had been nearly as helpless as helpless could be. His mother had to help feed him and wash him like he was a baby. If anything was worse than the helplessness, it had to be the humiliation of that. He hated needing help to do the simplest of things, tasks he had always taken for granted before.

Eventually, though, things got better, and he slowly began to accept his limitations and ably do most things for himself. But it would still catch up with him at times, and it would frighten him. Like that time when Joan was still sick and had gotten dizzy and started to sway at the top of the stairs. Before, he'd have run to her and steadied her. Now, he could only call for mom and dad and pray they got there before she fell. Even though it hadn't happened, a vision of her tumbling down the stairs while he sat unable to stop it played though his mind over and over that night. He wanted a family someday, but he wondered, would he be able to protect his children from harm?


	4. Joan

Joan

She was used to feeling like things were out of her control. Part of her had kind of figured that it just went along with being a kid. And once God had started showing up, she usually felt like she was endlessly bouncing around inside of some cosmic pinball machine. She was even starting to get used to that, but then Ryan Hunter arrived and everything turned upside down once again.

God said she wasn't alone, but it sure felt that way. She had an army? Please. Grace, maybe, but the others? Three science geeks and a cheating ex-boyfriend didn't exactly make her feel safe or confident. She just felt fearful and trapped. Ryan was embedding himself in her life and the lives of everyone she loved while doing his evil on the side. And her father, the one person in this world who she trusted implicitly, didn't believe her.

Kevin's accident and Judith's death had both made her feel incredibly helpless, but this was different. She felt like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, and she didn't know what she was going to do. She could only hope that the ripples would turn out ok.


	5. Luke

Luke

Usually, when he didn't understand something, he could find a logical, scientific reason or solution to the problem. Females, however, rarely seemed to fit any predefined construct. He could confidently tackle any problem set or experiment, but when it came to the women in his life, he felt completely and totally helpless. Especially when they cried.

His mother's tears always unsettled him, and he would wonder what he could say to make her feel better that wouldn't sound like a mere platitude. His sister cried with almost alarming frequency, as seemed to fit the pattern of many teenage girls. But when she really cried, like when she was sick, when Judith died, or when Adam had broken her heart, he found that knowing there was nothing he could say was worse than wondering what the right thing would be.

And then there was Grace, who had built up around herself virtual walls with the density of lead. All he ever wanted was for her to let him in. It started with an IM of a revelation he'd never expected. He'd held her while she cried but knew that once again, there was nothing he could say to make it better.


	6. Adam

Adam

Some days she had been full of life. Other days, she seemed devoid of it. It was difficult to predict what each day might be like, but Adam found he could often tell by her eyes. If they were bright and shining, it would be a good day. If they were dull and distant, it wouldn't. On the good days, he would wish he could bottle the happiness up and use it when things turned gray. On the bad days, he would wish for a way to bring the light back into her eyes.

After he'd lost her, he went numb. All the wishing in the world couldn't fix things and bring her back. He retreated into his head and into his shed where at least he could create things that reminded him of her. Otherwise he thought he might drown in the what if's and the pain.

Unfortunately, his mother wasn't the only 'her' that he'd lost. His Jane was lost to him, too. Yes, the situations were very different, but each had left a hole in his heart that threatened to swallow him. And in each case he was helpless to do anything but cry when she left.


	7. Grace

Grace

The first time she'd found her mother passed out on the floor, she'd thought she was dead. Now, it was so commonplace that she'd developed something of a routine. If she could get her mom to her feet, she'd put her in the shower, get her cleaned up, and put her in bed. If her mom was out cold, she'd cover her with a blanket and turn her head to the side so she wouldn't choke when she vomited. But that was all she could do.

Nothing she said or did seemed to change things. When she was younger, she would cry and beg. When she got older, she'd threaten and yell. But her mom kept drinking and her dad kept looking the other way. The only way she could deal with it was to hide, either within the walls of her bedroom or the ones she'd built around herself.

She'd gotten so used to hiding everything that she didn't know how to do anything else. She hated feeling so helpless. She knew there had to be some solution, somewhere, but she didn't want to do this alone anymore. And looking at Luke, she thought maybe she didn't have to.


End file.
